WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
