Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
