i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
