the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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