Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
