Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
