The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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