This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
