what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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