She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
