Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
