How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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