Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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