this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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