I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
