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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth

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• (707): View more from California

  just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?

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