I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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