I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
