omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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