I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
