Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
