Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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