Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
