38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He passed out mid-signature
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
