Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
