When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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