Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
