She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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