Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
