i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
