Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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