There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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