when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
