im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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