i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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