You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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