Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
