Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
