Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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