Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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