Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
