I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
