hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
