I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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