I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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