dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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