we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
