I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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