Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
