she woke up with a sticky ear
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
