Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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