is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
