Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
