I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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