Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
