Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
