hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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