the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Still dying that you shit outside
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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