I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My life is pants optional.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
