is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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