Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
