Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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