So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
