The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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