I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
